All of us have run into times when we were hurt or felt like someone took advantage of us.
Everyone has a bit of a guard up as they get older, forcing them to be more selective about the people they talk with and the information they share. This can give us some protection, but at some point, we can become too guarded and refuse to let anyone into our lives again. This can give a feeling of loneliness even if we are in a relationship or even feeling alone in a crowd.
When you are way too guarded and have put too many walls up around you, it can be almost impossible for you to let someone in again. You may be open to love and want to find someone to spend your life with, but every time someone gets close, you shut them down and push them away.
How can you tell that you are too guarded and that this problem is causing a big issue in your life?
When we are guarded, we will take normal situations and overthink them or assume that there is something wrong with having them in our relationship. There are several signs that you are acting way too guarded and it is starting to harm your relationships.
These signs include:
- You swallow all your emotions: You decide to push all of your emotions down and never bring them up because you are desperate for things to be different from the last time. While this may sound like a great idea, pushing the emotions down will just make them explode worse than before.
- You have trouble with intimacy: When someone tries to be intimate with you, you decide to play it off as a joke. You may do this to try and protect yourself, but it ends up hurting the other person, which is not a good thing either. You may notice that feelings overall are going to make you uncomfortable. This can include all types of emotions, from having them, talking about them, and seeing others on screen displaying them.
- You are very critical: You are critical and try to play things off as cool to not talk about your emotions. You may feel that this keeps people at a distance, and it does. They will sense your attitude and run for the hills, especially if they would like a commitment.
- Your personality becomes more intense: Those who have their guard up quite a bit are going to play a part, trying to show off how amazing they are, even when they feel down in the dumps. This can often be overdone, and most people can see right through it. You need to be your true self, not someone else.
- You could see commitment as an ultimatum: If the other person wants you to commit, it can feel like a bad thing, even though most would see it as a good thing. People who are guarded see this as a big ultimatum, rather than a great milestone that should be next in a relationship. You may feel like your partner is trying to ruin a good thing by pushing it forward, rather than just letting things be. Your emotions can get the best of you, and it can lead to a fight that will end the relationship.
When you exhibit several of these signs or more, it is a red flag that you are pushing people away and need to look at a new approach. If you have been hurt in the past, it is normal to put these walls up to provide yourself with some protection, but is it time to recognize the signs and bring them down if you want to experience true love again.
– Couples Therapy, Relationship and Marriage Counselling Victoria BC, Nadine Hanchar
Author of “Knowing Me, Knowing You – The PEP Personality Process”
Nadine Hanchar helps individuals and businesses build better relationships, discover new choices, new perspectives, and create success. Nadine is a counsellor, consultant, speaker, and trainer with over 35 years’ experience helping others professionally. She is a bestselling author and specializes in working with trauma, abuse, relationship issues, and communication. Learn more at ProgressivePlus.com and connect with Nadine on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and Instagram.
Call to book a consultation 1-800-449-4657 or Book Online