What is positivity in a relationship and why is it important?

I heard recently this description of Positivity which is: Maintaining your calmness, composure, hopefulness, enthusiasm, energy and love for life. Positivity reduces our anxieties, improves our performance and focus, creates better health and happiness.

When you have a positive outlook, you perceive things differently and that enables you to feel more positive. You tune into the positives around you, you look for the good in situations, circumstances, and events. Even when things do not go as planned or mistakes(learning experiences) happen when you are coming from a positive perspective you handle things with more ease.

Having positivity assist you in your commitment to hang in there, through the good times and the bad. Your commitment lets your partner know that you are serious about the relationship and that it matters to you. The foundation of commitment allows trust to develop and intimacy to flourish.

Being positively committed to a relationship and working through the issues, creatively coming up with solutions together can be one of the most connecting experiences for a couple. It is a tangible process which brings you closer together. Positivity opens you to better communication which often involves differing opinions, ideas and thoughts. Positivity can assist you in being better at  having healthy conflict when conflict does arise.

That is every relationship has conflicts or arguments; they are a natural healthy part of every relationship. Unfortunately not everyone chooses to fight fairly or in a healthy way. Do you choose to fight fairly? Because how you choose to engage in those natural conflicts is the difference between causing unnecessary hurt and creating more issues to deal with, escalating the unhealthy. Positivity assists you to focus on the issues at hand and in being respectful, honest, interested and solution oriented. Conflict can be healthy and with knowledge, skills and a willingness to put love first you can become a positively solution oriented fair fighter. Our positive attitude and behaviour around conflict is a good measuring stick as to whether our relationship will withstand the test of time. Relationships benefit tremendously when you learn how to handle conflict in a healthy way, learning how to fight fairly and engage in conflict in a more positive way is good for every relationship in your life.

Positivity assists you in being more present with your partner. It is important to learn how to bridge our differences instead of judging them. Consistent and frequent communication is vital to all relationships and most important in our primary relationship. This includes, being positive and willingly sharing and discussing your feelings, thoughts, intentions and desires, doing things together, doing things for each other, affection and touch. The more you let your partner know about what goes on in your head or the feelings you are having or your dreams, hopes, intentions or desires the better he or she will be able to integrate you and your needs into what he or she does. Ultimately leading to a much more enjoyable and healthy experience.

When you show your partner that you are committed, and that you are working on becoming an effective authentic communicator who is willing to be real and open up fully, the basis for a deep connection has already been set. Discover what makes your partner feel close to you and communicate what you need in order to feel close to him/her. Not all roads to intimacy are the same—become aware of and respect these differences. Staying positively focused assists us with that!

Connection can also be created by rituals that support a loving environment.

Positively greet your partner every day with a hug and a kiss and say I love you at least once a day. Whether it is the first thing you do upon waking up or the first thing you do when they arrive home at night, this is a powerful way to reaffirm your bond every day. It is a pleasant way to reconnect with each other. It is also powerful to say “Goodnight” to each other before going to bed or spend even a few moments cuddling before sleep. Find something to appreciate about your partner every day and communicate that to them. It can be as simple as a “thank you” for something they have done or giving them a sincere compliment or simply telling them you love waking up next to them. This positive communication needs to be honest and sincere and can be extremely powerful in putting a smile on your partner’s face particularly when they are having a bad day.

“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”  Mark Twain

Mutual reciprocity is an ongoing, back and forth process of communication between two people, which in relationship creates connection. Daily, ongoing reciprocal confirmation is necessary for the stability and long life of a relationship. When each partner can feel fully loved by the other, then you have the ingredients that cement a relationship. Partners confirm to one another by sending positive verbal and non-verbal messages that declare value and worth as a human being; that he or she is cherished, appreciated and truly loved and that the relationship is special to both. When those messages are reciprocal, a strong connection is made and security is established which allows trust to grow.

Being a Team Player!

An important aspect of a primary relationship which is often not talked about is being a team. Just as it is important to respect our individuality when we come together as a couple, it is also really important to know we have just committed to being part of a team. Like any other team we may need to figure out the best way to work together as a team. Positivity allows us to be more graceful and at ease in doing this! It is human nature that we all want to be part of something greater than ourselves and when two people come together in love, the two of souls make something much larger than just two people, they become an “us“ and a “we“.

Compassion & Respect!

Positivity encourages compassion. Compassion is the ability to listen deeply and show sympathy and understanding to your partner. Couples who practice compassion and kindness continuously feed love and send each other vital messages of caring. In a relationship respect can play a crucial role in the acceptance of each other, good communication and building trust. While the absence of respect can lead to conflict, hurt feelings and even destruction of the relationship. Positivity can assist  you in being more respectful. Respecting each other’s person, needs and opinions improves a relationship and takes it to a completely different level.

Time Together!

This may seem obvious to some but I often find it in relationships which are struggling, an important thing to remember in a relationship is companionship. Positivity creates the space and the wanting to spend time together situations. The couples I have met who have been together for some time and are successful in their relationship have this in common: They are great friends and they like each other. Frequently, couples forget to nurture the friendship part of their relationship and this can be very costly. Friends have some similar interests and they share enjoyable activities and do things together. Spending positive time together and doing things you both like builds that companionship bond. This means making time for your significant other, and expecting that they will make time for you.


It is every bit as important to do things with a good attitude and be good spirited and to be congruent in our actions. Positivity encourages this. Fulfilling relationships require courage, the courage to contribute, to bring yourself to the relationship table. Intimate relationships involve risk and vulnerability, being real with your partner. Having a positive attitude towards your relationship and partner can make all the difference because we often create what we focus on! Treat each other as positively as you would a best friend, be kind, compassionate, understanding and willing to be flexible instead of right.

If you want to know an easier way to assist you to stay positively primed in your life just ask me and I will let you know a wonderful way you can do that daily which only takes a few minutes and yet makes such a big difference! Stay positive and you will even like to be around yourself more!

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Nadine Hanchar believes in being positively primed and helps individuals and businesses build better relationships, discover new choices, new perspectives, and create success. Nadine is a counsellor, consultant, speaker, and trainer with over 30 years’ experience helping others personally and  professionally. She is a bestselling author and specializes in working with trauma, abuse, relationship issues, and communication.

Learn more at ProgressivePlus.com and connect with Nadine on FacebookLinkedInTwitter and Instagram.