There are many relationship myths and today I would like to cover three that I feel do an incredible amount of harm to a multitude of relationships. The trouble with these myths is we often accept them as true without question and they can wear down and erode the relationship over time. Criticism and frustration diminish happiness in a relationship as expectations are not met. So, if you have these myths please question them and do some myth busting!
IT’S MY PARTNER THAT NEEDS TO CHANGE MYTH:
The belief here is that in order to have a successful relationship your partner has to change the way you want them to, and then everything would be good. Unless there are severe situations such as abuse or infidelity, for change to occur it takes both people in that relationship. The blame game actually perpetuates the issues causing more criticalness and judgment ending in more frustration. Harming the relationship! So, the question then, that we need to ask ourselves is how can I become a better partner and if both partners are coming from this place the likelihood of positive change occurring increases dramatically.
IF THE RELATIONSHIP IS GOOD, I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO WORK AT IT MYTH:
The premise here is that if my relationship is good I can just put it on autopilot and everything will be okay. The stories that end in and they lived happily ever after are misleading. The movies and TV shows where all the problems are solved in a couple of hours and then everything is okay from then on are a culture of deception. Parents who don’t have discussions or conflict in front of the children and show them, they can bring about resolution and still love each other, create fear of conflict. So many of the false messages that created this myth come from the false messages we receive from our childhood and culture. All relationships take effort, time and attention! In fact, the most successful, satisfying and enduring relationships are a labour of love! Couples who put the time, energy and effort into their relationship together create the atmosphere and conditions that all great love stories are based upon.
MY PARTNER SHOULD JUST KNOW WHAT I AM NEEDING AND FEELING MYTH:
So many people believe that if their partners really loved them, they would just know what their needs and feelings are. That they wouldn’t have to communicate about them or express themselves. We are setting up a situation to fail when we are expecting our partner to be a mind-reader, and this unrealistic mindset, will only lead to unmet expectations, disappointment and frustration. One of the things that will create less frustration and more success, is to take responsibility for self and communicate our feelings and needs to our partners. Often when we communicate clearly and ask for what we need it is amazing how many times our needs and feelings can be met.
Working on being a good partner, putting in the time, energy and effort together and communicating clearly will always produce a more fulfilling and satisfying relationship! Remember good relationships are created by both individuals in the relationship! It really does take two, to Tango!