“Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners”        Laurence Sterne

A major key factor in relationships is first and foremost respecting yourself and your values, standards, opinions and boundaries. If you do not respect yourself, you will be, do and say things that will invite disrespect from others. It is important to both inside and outside of the relationship, act in ways that allow your partner to maintain a healthy respect for you.

“I want to be very close to someone I respect and admire and have somebody who feels the same way about me.”  Richard Bach

Perhaps the most important component of a relationship, yet often the most overlooked is respect and yet a lack of respect is a common reason why many relationships fail.

In a relationship respect can play a crucial role in the acceptance of each other, good communication and building trust. While the absence of respect can lead to conflict, hurt feelings and even destruction of the relationship. Respecting each other’s person, needs and opinions improves a relationship and takes it to a completely different level.

So what does it mean to respect each other? It means to admire your partners abilities, qualities, and achievements, to care about your partners feelings, wishes, opinions and rights, to avoid harming them or interfering with their values, those things and people who are important to them and agreeing to recognize and abide by certain guidelines that build the trust and respect for each other. Such as being truthful, communicating your needs clearly, sharing the things that are important to you, Sharing your true feelings, being reliable and accepting of each other including your differences, trusting that your partner is a competent and capable person.

Webster defines the word “respect” as; to prize, cherish and value. So, if we can learn to value our partner and develop the skills of problem-solving and compromise. If we can really listen to our partner with the intention of understanding their perspective and views, we don’t have to agree and yet we do need to be willing to listen with an open mind. Be willing to trust and be genuine with each other, supportive of each other.

Yes this means avoid keeping secrets from your partner (unless it is their birthday present or a pleasant surprise). Secrets have a tendency to be discovered at some point or another and inevitably feelings are hurt and damage is done. Lies set up emotional blocks, usually leading to more lies and I have never heard of secrets or a lie building trust in a relationship.

Respect and trust in the relationship allow each of you to feel safe, secure and loved. This encourages feelings of acceptance and the freedom to be confident in being who each of you are, being your authentic selves. When you do this in a relationship the bond is very strong.

If you can lay out your standards in plain view for your partner to see from the beginning that is ideal and if you didn’t, there is no time like the present, be clear, be honest. How can they respect your boundaries if they don’t know what they are! Also if you have well-defined preferences and standards, your actions and words will demonstrate this. Respect and trust support open communication which is an important key in sustaining a meaningful relationship.

“The fundamental glue that holds any relationship together is trust.” Brian Tracy

Remember our feelings and emotions are valid. They let you know if something is unbalanced between you and your partner. Trust that your partner can handle what you are feeling and that they can be respectful. When we respect and trust each other we are not constantly seeking the other person’s approval because we know that we can communicate openly, we trust we will be heard and that our partner will do their best to understand even if they don’t agree. That they will treat us as an equal, we know they will tell us the truth even if it is not what we want to hear. We see each other as equal, honourable people who have a high sense of integrity. This allows your relationship to grow and growth is essential to everything and everyone.

It can help to remember to view yourselves as a team, which means you are two unique individuals bringing different perspectives, talents and strengths into the relationship. Each person has their own personality which brings the flavour, the excitement and the thriving into the relationship. We can all learn ways to make our relationships healthier. Healthy relationships help us feel better about ourselves and about our place in the world.

Healthy relationships need to be based on mutual respect and trust for each other. When we respect, trust and are proud of each other we are accepting and have a deep fondness for each other and for who we really are.

Qs;

• Do you feel you respect each other?
• Do you take responsibility to express yourself clearly and assertively?
• Do you listen respectfully to each other’s opinions, ideas and feelings?
• Do you both make compromises?
• Do you prize, cherish and value each other?
• Do you make important decisions together?
• Do you trust each other?
• Do you treat each other fairly and as equals?

– Couples Therapy, Relationship and Marriage Counselling Victoria BC, Nadine Hanchar

Author of “Knowing Me, Knowing You – The PEP Personality Process”

Nadine Hanchar helps individuals and businesses build better relationships, discover new choices, new perspectives, and create success. Nadine is a counsellor, consultant, speaker, and trainer with over 35 years’ experience helping others professionally. She is a bestselling author and specializes in working with trauma, abuse, relationship issues, and communication. Learn more at ProgressivePlus.com and connect with Nadine on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and Instagram.

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Relationship Advice 10 Fundamentals ; Relationship & Committment ; Good Communication includes Healthy Conflict ; Relationships & Authenticity ; Relating & Communicating ; Closeness & Connection  ; Being a Team ; Relationships Need Companionship ; Relationships, Intimacy & Sexuality